How To Roast A Chicken
I don’t have the tools to face the current state of the world, but I do know how to cook.
Let’s face it: this was a bad year. Yeah, I know, people always say that sort of thing, but usually it’s in a jokey and glib fashion akin to how you react after your baseball team has a bad season.
Rough year for the Orioles, huh? If only we could get some decent pitching!
But, the stakes feel higher this year: things were like bad bad. The United States is speedrunning towards fascism in a way that would seem on the nose even for a Paul Verhoeven movie. I mean, we are literally living in the level design of a post apocalyptic first-person video game shooter about an alternate reality fascistic takeover of the United States. It’s bleak, folks.
I honestly don’t know how to deal with the weight of all that the world is throwing at us right now, but I do know how to cook; sometimes, the best thing we can do in trying times is to make a good meal to enjoy with friends. When society’s safe guards fail, all we have is each other and the community we forge together. And, nothing quite brings people together like a good roasted chicken. I realize that explaining how to roast a chicken is a comically weak offering while Rome burns, but irregardless of this world’s problems, I promise you, things will feel better after a good meal. So, what do you say? Let’s cook!
Buttermilk Roast Chicken
Roasting a chicken is a surprisingly tricky endeavor: it’s ostensibly a simple dish, but the margin of error is thin, especially when you consider you are essentially cooking two different proteins (white and dark meat) at the same time.
I’ve messed around with different roast chicken recipes over time but this technique has been the most successful by far: a simple buttermilk brine that leads to juicy perfection. I don’t really understand the science of why this is, but I do know that it’s traditionally how Southern grandmas prep their chicken for frying, and let’s face it, you don’t argue with Southern grandmas about fried chicken. If you want to go all Alton Brown, it has something to do with how the acids and sugar of buttermilk tenderize the chicken while also enabling peak conditions for perfectly browned skin.
What you need is the following: buttermilk, a whole chicken, kosher salt, and, most importantly, time.
The day before you want to cook the chicken, cut off the wing tips. Then, using some heaping pinches of kosher salt, generously season the bird: don’t be bashful here…pretend you’re Tony Montana and you just got the latest shipment in …I promise the end result won’t be too salty. Let the chicken rest for thirty minutes so the salt sticks.
Then, pour two cups of buttermilk into a gallon-size bag along with 2 more tablespoons of kosher salt and stir to dissolve.
Once the chicken has rested, you need to truss it with cooking twine. Now, there are like a million YouTube videos on how to truss a chicken, but I honestly don’t think the method matters that much, nor do I think it needs to look particularly pretty: the main goal here is to just make sure the legs are tied together and that the bird’s various bits are as compact as possible. I’m sure my truss would make Martha Stewart clutch her pearls, but it does the job.
Then, add the raw bird to the bag with the salted buttermilk. Give things a good shake. Then, store it in the fridge and let time do its thing: ideally, you are letting it sit in the brine for at least 24 hours.
An hour before you are ready to cook, take the chicken out of the fridge to bring it closer to room temperature. Preheat your oven to 425°.
Place the chicken in a deep roasting pan or large cast iron skillet and slide it into the oven with a probe thermometer inserted into the breast.
After about 25 minutes, turn down the temperature to 400. The skin should be starting to brown. Keep watch on this—once you get to your desired level of browning on the skin, place a sheet of foil on top of the chicken to prevent further burning. Then, just sit back wait for the thermometer to hit 165°
Take the chicken out of the oven. Let it rest for 10 minutes before carving.
Eat a bite. Hug your children. Tell your friends you love them. Remind yourself that we can make the world a better place through kindness, connection, and understanding. Together, we have to believe.
My best to you and yours in the New Year.